Halves

Brok'n hearts

bleeding,

lost souls

searching --

weaken'd

by gaps;

weightless

when one.

A heart that’s whole knows no discomfort. It has pieces that are complete and complementing. There are no deep voids that seek for a fill; no hollow spaces that call for a push.

However, we, ourselves, seem to unconsciously betray our hearts. As humans, bearing the gift of infinity threatens the snugness of pieces perfectly made for each other. We change. Continuously. Our day-to-day experiences mold certain sides of our hearts that soon, we realize, we have developed sharper edges that harm and at the same time, fatter curbs in our defense.

Our partners change just like us. Sadly, however, they do not change their pieces in proportion to ours. They have their own sundry ways of transforming. Often, and without us knowing, we prick them with our own sharp edges. Sometimes, it is us who gets pierced.

This is how the heart learns about discomfort. This is how humans suffer: broken in halves, lost and alone.

Many of us try to make broken pieces fit again by desperately twisting and turning parts of ourselves. We make half-hearted compromises and declarations of forgiveness though we have not really forgotten. We try to cling to others no matter how their edges hurt. We forget about ourselves. Or we think too much of ourselves and shut out all attempts for contact. All these efforts are futile. They result into further, separated disfiguration. We remain weak and apart.

Space: “the boundless regions of the infinite.” Many of us dread to hear the word uttered in the midst of conflict. Painful, it is. But it is the only possibility that a half-hearted act can give best.

After a while, the weight of separation will be lifted. We realize that the heart magically heals itself when it gets to bask in the gift of humanity: to be weightlessly floating on limitless space. This is how people, dance.

Images by Joyce.

February Poetry

I loved you.


I loved you
in ways you'll never know;
of unseen tears
borne from the years
that passed a summer night
of forgotten youthful joys.

I loved you
out of togetherness and without,
of the few, scattered days
that followed that summer night--
my love unspoken
and yours unfound.

In the years that passed,
I loved you
in the absence of inspiration:
no mad sketches,
spontaneous proses
nor poetry.

But today,
I just remembered.

I loved you.


by JoyceTalag. 02/01/2009



Today


Today, I thought I saw you;
the familiar head, upright,
among the many other praying heads,
bowed, to fill early morning voids,

in the midsection,

I thought I saw you.


by Joyce Talag. 02/03/2009

For Kids w/ Single Parents: Barney's Everyone is Special

I've been quite apprehensive about having to explain our not-so typical family set up to Krissy, especially since she's entering pre-school this June. Krissy's in the stage when she would ask about 150 Why Questions a day, often, starting at the moment she opens her eyes. It gets tiring at times yet, I cannot really give an unthought of answer for the consequence will be more questions that seem to test my consistency.

Anyway, my apprehension has caused me to seek advice whenever I get into mommy talk with some older colleagues and friends. One of the nicest explanations I've heard was for me to tell my daughter that not all families are the same. There are those with both moms and dads, those with just a mom and a pair of grandparents and so on.

However, I feel the need to come up with a medium that will best illustrate this explanation to a 3-year old. I thought of coming up with an alternative storybook. But then I do not have much time on my hand to make the drawings, though, I have the storyline plotted in my head :p



Then came one afternoon when one of our volunteer storytellers, Ms. Wennie, suggested that I look for a certain Barney DVD: Everyone is Special. The first part, My Family and Me, talks about the different kinds of families. It gave a very simple illustration of families, which I'm pleased with as I do not want to bring much hype to my state, at least in Krissy's perspective. In the end, Barney said that everyone who cares about us is considered a part of our family.

Meanwhile, those who are expecting another child may also find this DVD useful as the second part is about having siblings and families growing and changing.

I bought the DVD on sale at O Music Greenbelt 1. But for those who like to shop online, click here to purchase from Amazon.

still

still

i hear you:
a whisper
in the dark,
an echo
amongst a crowd,
a hum
lost in speech.

once i

created a poem;
gave rhyme
to your words,
left mine
in my head
for those
i can't tell

you.

cafe thoughts
01/20/09, 7:15 AM


photo credit: crazymynd at deviant art.

Estella

Her name is Estella: a by-product of a cosmic collision some twenty-three years ago. Many would think of her as the spook of a love that was halted by a conspiracy of the universe. To others, however, she is as real as any human, in flesh and bones, on the face of the earth. Beautiful yet imperfect.

She often gazes at the stars; wondering why she ever does in the first place. Is it because she was human – alone in the universe on a cold and dark night?

She closes her eyes and aspires the day when another lone stargazer disrupts her solitude.

They can dance to the imagined waltzes of Chopin. They can dream like children with minds untainted by the stains of the world. They can love each other – slowly, ardently and undisguised by any man-made fashion.

By then, it will be the stars’ turn to gaze at them.

Do the stars gaze back? Now that’s a question.
- Stardust

Estellas Theme - Patrick Doyle

Unlocking the Case of the Ex

It’s been a while. It was hard at first. But the wounds have healed as separate lives are lived. However, one day, when they both least expect it, girl meets boy… again.

This is not a fantasy scenario. Time and again, men and women find themselves face-to-face with an ex — often unsure of whether to be open for relationships that range from the platonic to the romantic, or not.

It is said that when two former lovers remain friends, it can only either be that they are still in love with each other or are just carrying on the good sex. Can this be a general truth? How platonic can relationships with an ex really be? Are the typical 20 to 30-somethings open to second chances? If so, how likely is it then for a second chance to work out?

The following attempts to unlock the Case of the Ex are derived and concluded from a series of casual interviews over lunch, cocktails and online correspondences with a handful of Filipino men and women as young as 24 to as old as 37.

The interviews all seem to indicate a common truth: a purely platonic relationship with someone whom one had been physically or emotionally intimate with is impossible. There will always be a desire or a tendency to re-live memories and repeat old habits, even if both parties are already involved with their new partners. It is only out of ethical reasons that such desires and tendencies are not acted upon. (And ethics die in the spirit of alcohol or one single touch at the “wrong” place.”) For “friendship” to properly work under this set up, and without anyone ending up hurt because of concealed expectations, routines must be stopped and treatments must be different. There should no longer be any sort of displays of affection. An ex in this setting and an ordinary friend must be dealt with similarly. In the end, when one is really over an ex, the only sure way to be friends in a purely platonic level is through being civil – the hi and hello, I’m fine and so are you, bye and see you whenever type. No touch. No lust.

Small breakups do occur in most relationships. Some may take just a day while others may extend even to a couple of months. No guideline or formula can really determine what makes a boyfriend or a girlfriend an ex. It is a case-to-case thing and only the parties involved can tell when it is finally the end.

The respondents are mostly open to the idea of reviving a closed relationship; one even claiming that the heart is not selective: when it is really open, it grants access to all – regardless if an ex or not. However, the following factors seem to play a crucial role in deciding for another try:

1. the reason and manner of the breakup


2. the length of time apart


3. the current status of both parties
   

It is usually hard to make a badly ended relationship work again. There are many who would not consider getting back with an ex who made a grave mistake, believing that lessons learned should be used to prevent history from repeating itself.

Meanwhile, there seems to be no wound that time cannot heal. Time gives room for people to accept and forgive. When both are achieved by both parties in their period of separation, then it becomes possible start anew.

Lastly, of course, current conditions should be considered. It cannot be serious when both are already married, unless they are in Hollywood. Right?

It takes effort to make things work in serious second chances. Things are easier when they remain trivial or when they downgrade from serious to trivial. There is a risk, however, of one being hurt as expectations cannot be avoided once old passions are re-kindled. It will entirely have to depend on who is brave enough to face the risk… or who is stupid enough to make the same mistake all over again.

Case closed.




I would like to thank the following persons for responding to my inquiries: Mr. Anonymous, Mr. Ex, Cat Ramos, Mrs. Cullen, Mr. “Outsider,” Ms. Fireness and MFV.

This is my first attempt to pull a Candace Bushnell (or a fictional Carrie Bradshaw. This is originally posted at my personal Multiply account.

Please feel free to get in touch with me if there is anything that you would like me to write about.

Macho I Love Yous

Why is it so easy for Pinoy men to say I Love You? And why do they expect women to respond, if not reciprocate, just as fast?

This was one of the entries in lastyear's Filipina Writing Awards. It was previously published in The Inquirer's Youngblood. Love it... so!

This is for all the Filipinas who have never been kissed, never been touched, no boyfriends, nothing. This is for all the Filipinas accused of having hearts of stone. They include the mahirap maabot (those who are hard-to-get) and the mahilig magpakipot (those who pretend they don’t like a guy but they really do). You secretly delight in men’s existence because they make you feel so special, don’t you? You’re just too proud to admit it! Don’t fret, I am not going to expose your boring love lives. I am not that cruel. I am here to warn you ice queens of the new millennium who have hearts that are whole… still. Don’t succumb to the charms of the typical macho Filipino!

Tell me honestly, who wants a boyfriend who calls females “chicks”? A boyfriend who thinks he is complimenting you by saying you should join a beauty contest because "sayang ang beauty mo"? (Your beauty’s a waste if it isn’t displayed) A boyfriend who asks you every hour where you are and tells you what to wear? A boyfriend who reacts in disbelief, nay, contempt, upon the discovery that “his” girl carried a 20-kilo backpack up Mount Apo or that “his” girl is a black belter in Taekwondo? A boyfriend who insists on paying the bill even if you were the one who asked him out? Worse, a boyfriend who reeks of San Miguel and Marlboro because he can’t live without them?

Ladies, meet the typical macho Filipino who always wants to be stronger, bigger, faster, smarter, taller and older. He is such a pretentious prick on the outside but inside he can be like delicious jelly (sometimes). He doesn’t mind looking foolish slugging your tiny black Gucci bag. (Isn’t that cute?) In a country where PDA (public display of affection) is still largely frowned upon, carrying a girl’s bag is the ultimate gesture of possession. We don’t need to witness couples exchanging sticky French kisses to understand that.

The typical macho Filipino opens doors for you like a real gentleman (uh, security guard). He lets you take your seat first in a crowded jeepney and tingles in the anticipation of your shoulder touching his, your hand on his knees, your hair brushing his face and what else. He steals kisses in the dark but never in school, at the market or in church, and especially not in front of your parents. He purposefully walks on the left side of the road, and if you don’t mind, with a protective arm around you to prevent you from being run over by traffic.

The typical macho Filipino is also very creative, (to a certain extent). He scrounges the Internet for poems he doesn’t even understand himself. These he incorporates in mushy love letters that he secretly inserts in your books when you aren’t looking. They are declarations of love he nonchalantly claims to be the author of for he doesn’t know that plagiarism is a crime. It is not very unique but the effort is impressive. (What did you expect? A picnic on the moon?)

To impress you some more, he sends you text messages quoted from Pablo Neruda: “I want 2 eat ur lips lyk a pis of almond!” Or, “I dnt knw any odr way of lovin u bt dis. One n w/c der s no I or U. It s so intimate dat ur hand upon my chest s my hand, dat wen I fal aslip, it s ur eyes dat clos.” Pardon my poor translation but Spanish is so much more romantic. Who wouldn’t swoon over someone who calls you his “amanda mia”? (my love) But when you ask him to translate two simple sentences, he doesn’t reply! The farce!

Did you know that Filipinos, aside from the French and the Italians, are one of the world’s biggest “I-love-you-ers”? It’s just hearsay about the other nationalities but gosh, Filipinos do like to say “I love you” a lot. Ask any girl. The expression has become so over-used that it has almost become a cliché.

I hate to shatter your illusions, but guys? Most of the time, they only mean half of what they say. Good thing we Filipinas are smarter and won’t fall for their gibberish. Remember, God created Eve because she felt that Adam was too dull. And, it is a fact that females live longer (need I elaborate?).

Lately I have been going to Venue a lot to accompany a kababata (childhood friend) from Holland who is here to learn Filipino. Also called the Netherlands, Holland is that tiny tulip and cheese country lying perilously below sea level and protected by a complicated network of dikes and dams. It is the country of marijuana, homosexual marriages and euthanasia, moralists like to jest. It is also the country of the lowest abortion rate, by the way.

My kababata who has been immersed in Filipino culture for one month now, says that in more liberated Holland, it takes at least a year before a guy tells a girl that he loves her. Sure, just like in the movies, they think nothing of necking and petting and torrid kissing and sex. But who would have thought that those are only the prerequisites to saying “I love you” (according to my friend)? Strange people, the Dutch.

Here, it is baliktad (different). Guys think they have to say “I love you” over and over again. (That is sooo important. Makes me think of Destiny Child’s “Brown Eyes”: “I know that he loves me ‘cause he told me so…”) Then there is the list of things he feels he has to do. He showers her with gifts of perfume, imported chocolates and jewelry (can’t he be more original?). He takes her out on expensive dinners in De Bonte Koe, Mount Fuji, or Picobello (with his parents’ money of course). He fetches her and brings her to wherever she wants (except his room). Guys, don’t assume that by giving her three red roses a week, she’ll be yours to keep.

Courtship? Relationships? You could call it a test. Only when the Filipina is sure of his everlasting love will she take the risk of doing “it” with him. The problem is that in his excitement and haste, he forgets to use protection. Nine months later…oops! As Drew Barrymore thoughtfully puts it in “Riding in Cars with Boys,”: “Life is really just a couple of days which determines the rest of it.”

Back to the original point of this discussion. While Filipino men find it easy to say, “I love you,” the Dutch dread it. They avoid it like the plague. Uttering those three words is like proposing marriage, my friend explains. In Holland, guys fear the pain of rejection that’s why when he likes you he just says so. “I really, really like you. I want to be with you. ‘I love you’ is such a big word,” she says.

How true. Just because we are pretty, beautiful, gorgeous and stunning don’t mean that you can tell us “I love you” and then expect us to love you in return. How can you say that when you don’t even know how we like to drink our coffee? How can you say that when you don’t even know our dreams, our insecurities or what makes us laugh and cry? You probably love us just because we look sexy in high heels and minis. Just because we look cute when we flash that Close Up smile. Just because others desire us!

All this talk about males and their pathetic attempts at romance makes me want to write something about typical Filipinas. For starters, I will write about Filipinas like myself who won’t say, “I love you,” when by “love” I mean, “I love the full moon” or, “I love Jollibee.” When I say “I love you,” I will really mean it. And, it won’t be just an ordinary “I love you.”

No, no more macho I love yous.

Click here to read more of Maya Flaminda. Post taken from http://mayaflaminda.blogspot.com/2007/11/macho-i-love-yous_6018.html